It would be a terrible violence to give someone’s past sins power over them that they didn’t previously have.
Give them the grace of knowing that their past doesn’t define them.
To marry someone with a past is not “settling,” but can be a great gift. What he meant for evil — to harm or demoralize us — God often means for our good (Genesis ). The promiscuous King Solomon knew firsthand: satisfaction is measured, not in terms of what a person can do in fifteen minutes, but what they can do with fifteen years: “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? By trying to measure up to past sexual partners, we give the past power that it neither has, nor should be thought to have.We all have remorse-tailored monsters hiding in our closets. But there is still hard work to do — understanding, forgiving, crying, forgetting, maturing, resolving work — and there are some concrete ways that Christ enters into the conversation about sexual past in a dating relationship.Bring in an older compassionate couple in the church, maybe even with the same story, to protect both of you from sinning against one another in the ways we mentioned above. If your partner with a sexual past is already in the company of a church and has been walking in the light of a pastoral team, the resources probably exist there for help.Is this a man or woman manifestly, not flawlessly, marked by the grace of God, a grace that forgives and makes new?Am I willing to entrust and commit myself — my heart, my time, my gifts — to this particular work-in-process child of God?